Fun at WallyWorld

Tonight Mom and I went on our weekly Friday night outing to Mansfield for eating and shopping. Heather usually goes with us, but she wimped out and stayed home tonight, no doubt laying on the couch watching NCIS and gorging on frozen seedless grapes. So Moomaw and I set out for the Sam Walton Tour of Sam's Club and Walmart. And I tell you, if you can survive a night of traipsing through both of those stores, you are made of stout stuff!

We first prepare ourselves with a hearty Quizno's sub. (Ah...Turkey, Bacon & Guacamole...you are heaven sent...) Then off to the ultimate warehouse extraordinaire! I mean, who can pass up a 500 count bottle of daily vitamins, or a 12 pound box of Fiber One bars?? (Do you have any idea what that many Fiber One bars could do to your digestive system??!) Mom eyes the flat screen TV's...she has been bitten by the bug, I think! (Hezzo and Adam got one for Christmas, and I got one in the great machine mutiny of previous days, as detailed in a former blog...) However, she resists. (A strong woman, she is!) We leave there with considerably less money than when we walked through the doors.

Next, on to the abysmal pit that is Walmart. It is a masochist's dream, really. I find it truly amazing that you can pass 37 aisles with no one in them, but as you reach the one with the item you absolutely have to have you suddenly are thronged by 68 people, all with carts and all just standing and staring at the selection in front of them. Well, all except for the 15 who are standing there talking to someone else and blocking any possible hole that there may be to get through the aisle. It takes a great deal of strategic planning to navigate such an obstacle course. Trust me, it is not for the faint of heart!

Now, between Sam & Wally's we have walked about 36 miles tonight. And we're only halfway through Wally's. We are weary...we are tired....we seek but just a spot of rest. But we continue on, bravely facing each ensuing enemy with fortitude of heart. There's the screaming child, who's shrill little voice has the ability to shatter even the healthiest of eardrums...the go-cart-shopping-cart-driver who does not know how to drive the go-cart-shopping-cart, therefore keeping you jumping at every turn in fear of being run over by the wanna-be Mario Andretti...the gang of LOUD people who seem to follow you wherever you go, even when you zig-zag your normal shopping patterns in an attempt to lose them. **Sigh**

Finally we make it to the front of the store. This is known as the land of "wait in line forever". (OK, I'll give them this, tonight they did pretty good. But it's usually not that way!) After handing over whatever money you may have left after Sam's dug into your pocketbook, you are finally free!! Well, that is, if you can make it past those giant security thingies that start screaming if you have anything in a bag that has the least little bit of label showing on it. After being searched and interrogated, you are released. As the doors open miraculously in front of you, you are filled with glee...Home, here we come!!!

If only we could remember where we parked the car....