Daffy Ducks

I live in a park. A park that is filled with psychotic ducks.

That's right....

Psychotic Ducks.

I took this photo of some of them a couple of years ago. The white dude there was swimming around biting the feathers off of all the other ducks. The other white one and that grayish one were egging him on.

I tell you, they're pure evil.

Though they apparently don't mind tormenting those of their own kind, they actually live to annoy the humans who come into contact with them. They do this many different ways. Trust me, there is nothing more fun than to come home after an exhausting trip to the grocery store, dreading that you have to now carry 15 bags up 3 flights of stairs.....and as you get out of your car you see the mob approaching. The waddling, quacking mob. Honestly, I could land a job on Dancing With The Stars using the skills I have learned while loading my arms with bags, closing my car doors and trunk - all the while kicking 8-10 ducks out of my backseat and away from my food. Raunchy little things.

Their favorite trick is what I call "slow crossroads". I saw them the other day initiating a new member on their little game plan. I tell you, I could hear them.....quack, quack quack...."The humans come out of that hole over there in that brick thing. Make sure you look very relaxed and lazy laying in the grass. Hey - really fool them - act like you're sleeping. HAHAHA! Then, as they approach that big metal thing on the rubber circles, get up. Slowly now...don't get in a hurry. The metal thing will start to purr...now we kick it up. Get in line behind the others....HAHAHA!!! Here we go - one at a time...single file across the road. HEY - SLOW DOWN! They're starting to look impatient...walk slower! HAHAHA!! OH - they're blowing the horn thing already! We've got them right where we want them! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

No, I have not lost my mind. I tell you...they do this. I have been awakened at three in the morning by cars blowing their horns frenetically outside my window. So as I groggily look out the window, what do I see? THOSE STUPID DUCKS!!! And there is one, I kid you not, sounds just like he's laughing. Laughing Duck I call him.

I hate Laughing Duck.

So, if someday you hear of someone going on a rampage in Northern Ohio and slaughtering a group of "innocent" ducks......Don't believe a word of it.

They deserved everything they got!