A Soggy Tale

Living in the tropical paradise that is North Central Ohio is always interesting. You never really know what the weather may hold. I think it's worse now than it used to be. Maybe it's just because I was a kid and really didn't pay a lot of attention to the weather, but it seemed to me like it used to be a bit more "stable" than nowadays. Our weather is, at best, just insane at times.

This morning I was driving to work and could see the dark clouds gathering in. Yeah, they were planning a party, and it looked like it was going to be held directly over my workplace. Sure enough, about 5 miles away, the drops started. You can sometimes tell how bad the rain is going to be around here by the size of the raindrops. The first one that hit my windshield looked to be about the size of my head. Great...

Well, I did manage to get in before it started gully-washing. (That's a nice hillbilly term there...) And so then it clears up and gets sunny, but HOT and HUMID. That's the worst...the humidity. I took off 1/2 a day, and pick up Ma and we head to Mansfield to get our normal Friday shopping done a bit early. Adam is over there eating lunch with his buddies, and then meets us at Sam's Club. Then we're off to Dollar General Market, because I'm wearing the hottest shirt in the world and am going to die if I don't get it off. A collective decision is made that it would be better if I had something else to put on in it's place, and a cheap T-shirt from the dollar store sounds like a good plan. Somehow I end up spending $18 in there. Mom spends twice that. Good grief.

Then to the health food store. Well, I guess it's more like vitamins and herbs and all that stuff. Anyway, we're there because every time I say the word "gout" to anyone, they immediately respond "You need Black Cherry Juice!" So I'm gonna try it. I bet I hate it. I don't like tart stuff. Wonder how much Splenda it will take to make it tolerable....

So I get the juice and Mom gets some tea and we're off again to the world of Ollie's. This is like a Big Lots style store. One of those places that I have trouble focusing in sometimes. Have you ever done that...gone into a store where there's too much to look at and you just can't comprehend what all you're seeing? Or am I just weird? (I'm not sure I want you to answer that...)

After Ollie's, here we go to Wal-Mart. I mean, what would Friday be without a Wal-Mart visit?? Actually, I've not been to the store in about a week and a half because of gout foot. It is much better, though still a little tender. My bigger problem now however is I limped so much on the foot that it's got the calf of my leg all messed up...so now I limp because of that. So by the time we got through Sam's, Dollar Store, Healthy Store, Ollie's.....I was getting a bit weary. We fly through the Mart as fast as we can. For there is still one more stop to make.

Mom and Adam need to go to Menard's and buy more bricks for the yard. I seriously do not know where they are putting all of these bricks, because this is about the 4th time they've gone over there in the last little bit to get them. I think they're building a secret fort somewhere. I'm just afraid to ask...

Anyway, we bought things like meat and ice cream at Wal-Mart, and those are probably not going to hold up well in the heat of brick-buying. So I'm given the keys to the van to take it home while they brick it. As I'm driving back to Shelby, the dark clouds start gathering for party number 2 of the day. I pull into the drive and another head-sized raindrop hits the windshield. OK, if I run I maybe can get Mom's groceries into the house and my groceries into my car before I get drenched. One small problem with that plan. I can't run. Good lord, I can barely walk. So I open the back of the van and start trying to sort out which bags belong to who, and it begins. A pretty good rain. But, being an Ohio native, I can tell... It's going to get much worse. I get the first round in the house...I'm a little wet. Get the second round in...I've got water dripping off my hair. Go back out to get my bags in my car....

It's a freakin' monsoon.

I'm not kidding...the rain was coming down so hard I couldn't hardly see my car and I was 2 feet away from it. I am absolutely soaked to the skin. Great. So I go get the house locked up and finally get all my bags in my car and get in it. The rain is now blowing completely sideways...there is standing water all over the roads...you can't see your hand in front of your face. And I've got water running in my eyes from where my head is drenched, plus my clothes are sucked to me like a vacuum from where they are drenched.

This is not fun.

I get to the apartment and it's raining even harder. Well, I can't get any wetter than I already am, so start to get out when I hear the pelting sounds. Ah...hail. That's nice. Change of plan...hang out in the car a bit. I grab all the bags from the back seat and try to get them arranged so I can carry as much as possible upstairs on the first try. It's then I realize I accidentally got mom's bag with their donuts in it. Well, they'll probably have a conniption fit about that. They'll have to get over it.

Then, lo and behold, as I'm sitting there, a red truck pulls up beside me. The brick buyers have come by to see if I need help carrying stuff in. Well, it's still pouring, but the hail has stopped, so I jump out and give them the all important donut bag. They, of course, are laughing at me because I look like a drowned rat. I tell them to go on, I'll carry up what I can and get the rest later. Now, my road is on a slight angle, so all of that rain has formed a mini river with flowing rapids running right into where I'm standing. It was honestly over my ankles. So my tennis shoes are also drenched, and I feel my socks sucking around my feet. Great, at least the whole ensemble matches now.

You know, sometimes I could really hate Ohio.

But perhaps tomorrow will be a better day.

Or at the very least, I won't be out in it!