Rush Hour - Small Town Style

Well, yesterday I had to go to Cleveland again for another seminar. I honestly don't know how in the world people can stand to drive through that traffic every day. Or, sit through it, I guess I should say. It's maddening!

However, I do have to admit, the small towns aren't always better. First of all, one thing that small towns are great at is closing down multiple roads at once so that you have to drive 377 miles to get across a town that is only 5 miles wide. I know the big cities have a lot of construction, but they've usually got 2 or 3 lanes to work with so you can still pretty much keep going your normal route. Around here, it's a one lane road that suddenly has a giant hole in it. I've found that can be a real problem. And the two areas that are the best at closing every convenient route conceivable all at once are the town I live in and the town I work in. Oh, it just works out wonderfully, I tell you.

So anyway, right now there's a bridge closed on my normal way to work, which I forget every morning until I've gone about too far in that direction and have to make a wild u-turn to cut back across town. I drive about 15 feet when I see the car caterpillar ahead of me. For those of you that don't know, that's a line of cars that are just creeping along. Most generally car caterpillars are led by one of two creatures...the school bus or the farm machinery. Today it was the school bus.

So I join the caterpillar body and we drive about 3 feet at 2 miles an hour then stop....little kid comes moping out of the house, in no apparent hurry to make it to school anytime this week. Finally the little angel gets in and finds a seat, and off we go. 3 more feet. 2 miles an hour. Sit and wait. Mmm, Mom's gotta hug and kiss and double-check this one's backpack before they get their precious little hide on the bus. Finally...we're off. Another 3 feet. GOOD GRIEF - Can't all these kids get together in one place and wait for the bus? That's what we had to do!! Our driver made one stop on the road, and by gum, you better be there or he'd leave you! Even if you chased him down the road yelling for him to stop while all the other bratty kids laughed at you! (Yes, that happened to me once and I still hold deep scars from it, as you can see.) Somebody needs to toughen these little dudes up! Finally we make a little more progress...then we start all over again. Really, do kids need an education that bad? Just let the little tikes sleep...at least until I get out of town!

OK - I've cleared the town and now am heading out 96. Speed Limit - 55. Sure would be nice if somebody told that to the guy in front of me. 40 miles an hour. PAH-LEEESE MISTER! You're Killing Me Here! Now this road is fairly winding, so there's not many opportunities to pass. Of course, in the couple that there are, he decides to speed up to 65. OK...Now I see your little game.

So just as I'm ready to blow past him, he flips on his turn signal (at the last minute, of course) and whips off to a side street. It's a wonder I didn't hit him. But at least I'm free! 55 (or perhaps a tad bit faster) here I come!

Until I see the humongous farm tractor pull out in front of me. AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHH! Now this isn't just any farm equipment. It's one of those monster ones that have giant spikes sticking out of the sides that are ready to strip the paint off of your car if you even think about trying to pass it. But since I can't tolerate 40 miles an hour, you can imagine how I'm doing at 12 miles an hour, so I take a chance and pass the green monster. Thankfully I reach the other side with all car parts intact. We're makin' progress now!

So I head into the last stretch, and lo and behold, here's a construction truck hauling a trailer with a bunch of loose drywall in it. Well this is good, I'm probably going to be pelted by this junk any time now because it's flinging all over the place. So, here I go again...let's pass him. Except THIS dude decides to move to the middle of the road. Which was quite a problem because I was BESIDE him at the time, with nothing but 1/2 foot of road and a ditch beside me. And he won't move over. I don't know if he was extremely unobservant or just a jerk, but I finally figured it wasn't worth it so I backed off of him. And drove 15 miles an hour the rest of the way to work. I should have taken an extra blood pressure pill this morning.

So, like I said, I don't know how people can stand driving these little backroads all the time. Man, rush hour at a major city wouldn't be this bad!!

Yeah, the grass is always greener....