Machine Mutiny

Ssshhhh...I'm typing this blog very quietly so as not to alert the other appliances in my house to its content...

My electronics have gone on what appears to be an organized mutiny lately. Honestly, how on earth do they know when one of them decides to die? It is actually amazing when you think about it. It started with the microwave and the machine-gun sounds it started making every time I turned it on. So, in fear of being pelted by stray gamma waves and have my insides secretly cooked in my sleep, I broke down and replaced it.

In the meantime, I finally discovered the source of my telephone/Internet problems...which had been an ongoing saga for nearly a year. If I were on the Internet and the phone would ring, the Internet would disconnect. I would just like to say that you cannot imagine how annoying that actually is. I called my wonderful Internet provider on numerous occasions to determine the root cause of this. I finally decided that spending 12 hours of my life talking to idiots was not a worthwhile venture...so I gave up.

Twas about that time that my television started its slow death march. Taking at least 10 - 15 minutes for the picture to arrive when turned on, it had turned into the world's biggest, ugliest radio. Again...extremely annoying. Then it just died. I held a lovely memorial service and then stole a TV from mom's as a temporary replacement. Unfortunately, it was dead too. Ahh...perhaps we have a cable problem. So contact the wonderful cable provider (yes, the same nuts as above) to rewire my apt. While I'm watching the dude work, I casually mention my phone problem. He picks it up and says, "Oh...it's a 2.4 GHz. It's on the same frequency as your Internet...that's why it keeps cutting out." Are you kidding me??!! I didn't know whether to kick him or hug him. (You'll be happy to know I refrained from both.)

So, I purchase a new phone. This was a fiasco in itself...probably worthy of it's own special blog. (So I will spare you that tonight.) So back to the TV...the cable rewiring complete...and it is still in need of life support. I have no choice but to take drastic action....and so tonight I sit and watch a brand new flat screen TV, while the 387-pound-12-year-old-tube TV and the slightly-smaller- but-almost-as-heavy-stolen television sit contentedly on the floor beside it. I am broke, but satisfied.

Now I live in fear...what is next?? The alarm clock...the curling iron....the keyboard??? (I do not fear for the refrigerator or stove as they are not owned by me, therefore will live forever I am sure.) OH - I now see. The stereo, which has started performing a lovely trick of increasing its volume to near deafening levels regardless of which way you turn the dial. The mutiny continues...