Machine Mutiny

Ssshhhh...I'm typing this blog very quietly so as not to alert the other appliances in my house to its content...

My electronics have gone on what appears to be an organized mutiny lately. Honestly, how on earth do they know when one of them decides to die? It is actually amazing when you think about it. It started with the microwave and the machine-gun sounds it started making every time I turned it on. So, in fear of being pelted by stray gamma waves and have my insides secretly cooked in my sleep, I broke down and replaced it.

In the meantime, I finally discovered the source of my telephone/Internet problems...which had been an ongoing saga for nearly a year. If I were on the Internet and the phone would ring, the Internet would disconnect. I would just like to say that you cannot imagine how annoying that actually is. I called my wonderful Internet provider on numerous occasions to determine the root cause of this. I finally decided that spending 12 hours of my life talking to idiots was not a worthwhile venture...so I gave up.

Twas about that time that my television started its slow death march. Taking at least 10 - 15 minutes for the picture to arrive when turned on, it had turned into the world's biggest, ugliest radio. Again...extremely annoying. Then it just died. I held a lovely memorial service and then stole a TV from mom's as a temporary replacement. Unfortunately, it was dead too. Ahh...perhaps we have a cable problem. So contact the wonderful cable provider (yes, the same nuts as above) to rewire my apt. While I'm watching the dude work, I casually mention my phone problem. He picks it up and says, "Oh...it's a 2.4 GHz. It's on the same frequency as your Internet...that's why it keeps cutting out." Are you kidding me??!! I didn't know whether to kick him or hug him. (You'll be happy to know I refrained from both.)

So, I purchase a new phone. This was a fiasco in itself...probably worthy of it's own special blog. (So I will spare you that tonight.) So back to the TV...the cable rewiring complete...and it is still in need of life support. I have no choice but to take drastic action....and so tonight I sit and watch a brand new flat screen TV, while the 387-pound-12-year-old-tube TV and the slightly-smaller- but-almost-as-heavy-stolen television sit contentedly on the floor beside it. I am broke, but satisfied.

Now I live in fear...what is next?? The alarm clock...the curling iron....the keyboard??? (I do not fear for the refrigerator or stove as they are not owned by me, therefore will live forever I am sure.) OH - I now see. The stereo, which has started performing a lovely trick of increasing its volume to near deafening levels regardless of which way you turn the dial. The mutiny continues...

That Used to Be Me...

I've been reconnecting with some old high school friends recently. This is our 20 year reunion year. 20 years! When did that happen??

It does sound strange to hear everyone talking about their kids...their spouses...their aches and pains and...well, grown-up stuff. I mean, we're still young, right? We can't be getting older! Can we?? Slowly the truth begins to creep up on you, and it is is a sickening stench...

Have you ever heard someone talk about getting older...and all the younger people laugh like "Oh yes, I understand what you mean as I'm going through it also", but they're really thinking "HA - getting old is never going to happen to me, buddy!!" And then the older people laugh like "Oh, it's nice that you understand what we're going through", when they're actually thinking "You stupid, stupid child....it will grab you also by the throat faster than you realize!"

Well, they're right. One day it just slaps you in the face. My doctor had to prescribe blood pressure pills for me the other day. What?? That's an old person medicine! And then, to make it worse...I got gout! GOUT!! Who in the world named that disease?? (As painful as it is, they could have at least given it a decent name!!) 37 year olds are not supposed to have gout!

So, I've realized I'm not the spry young chick I used to be. (At least, that my mind used to think I was!) Oh well, it's a waltz we all have to dance someday. I'll admit...it is better than the alternative. I guess it's not so bad being on this side of the dirt....

Small Town Livin'...

I love small towns. Today was one of those days when I really realized how much I enjoy it as we did our Sunday dining at the local grocery store (yes, the grocery store...some of the best food in town!)

I love how your food is almost cold by the time you get it to your seat because everyone you pass stops you to talk a bit and ask how you've been. And the people you don't know smile and nod at you too. I love how someone doing their weekly shopping just leaves their cart in one of the aisles and plops down in the seat next to you to chat a bit and catch up on what's been happening in your life. It's good times, I tell ya...

Perhaps some people find it corny or hokey, but I find warmth in it...a "comfortableness" that is soulfully inviting. I remember a few years ago we headed down to our high school football stadium for our city's annual Fourth of July celebration. The entire town (and surrounding communities) gathers together on the field with their lawn chairs and blankets to enjoy the holiday fireworks. As we were looking for a spot to set up our "camp", I almost stepped on someone laying on a blanket on the ground. As I was apologizing to them for nearly stomping on their head, I suddenly realized who I was talking to.

It was our Mayor.

Ah...only in a small town...

Losing It

I don't understand how these things happen.

Yesterday I had a wonderful Special K Blueberry Breakfast bar for a morning get-going meal. Really, it was surprisingly good. (Of course, it should be for the price it is, but that's fodder for another blog...) So, this morning, naturally, I decide to have another. Except....where are they? Honestly, they were on my kitchen table when I last saw them. Where did they go??? HOW DID I LOSE AN ENTIRE BOX OF BREAKFAST BARS??!!

This happens to me all the time anymore. My lack of memory resources has become astounding over the last couple of years. If my mind were a computer it would be totally crashed by now. It scares me greatly. GREATLY. The other day, I ordered lunch at a restaurant. The lady checked me out and gave me my ticket. I asked for a cup for my drink. She looked at me like I was insane. So, there I stand, thinking "What's this chick's problem??" - and then I realize....I'm holding the cup in my hand. Seriously...she handed it to me, and in 3 1/2 seconds, I forgot that I was standing there holding it. How is that even possible?? I really do not understand.

Well...anyway....yeah, I would finish this blog but...I don't remember where I was going with it....

To Start...

My first blog. I'm excited. My cousin Shelley started blogging and wanted our clan to start too. I love the thought of being able to keep "in touch" this way. The distance from KY to OH is too far most of the time. Perhaps we've found a highway to keep us closer now! (Check her out at http://shelleystories.blogspot.com/. Love you Shell!)

So..what to say? Well, I'm here in Ohio, so let's start there. I love being a Buckeye...I really do. But there is one downfall. Winter...drags...on....forever! Today was 58 degrees. Nice breeze. Beautiful. Tomorrow they're calling for snow. SNOW!! Good grief!!

Driving in Ohio is most dangerous 2 times a year. One is during the first snowfall. Second is during the last snowfall. The first is because it's been Spring, Summer, Fall before we get back to snow again, and somehow during that time the sunshine, rain, hail, tornadoes, thunderstorms and whatever freak weather conditions have hit us have wiped our minds and memories completely void of how to drive in snow. People look at the white powder on the ground and think..."Oh, how pretty. I wonder what this lovely white powder on the ground is." Then they proceed to get in a car and crash into everything in site as they drive like there is no lovely white powder on the ground. Every year...

But perhaps even worse is the last snowfall. Because by then, we are sick of it. See, in Ohio snow does not just go away in a neat and tidy manner. No...first we endure the frigid temps, the piles of snow and ice, and then the slushy, sloppy mess of the thaw. And then, the weather will get nice. Just like today. 60 degrees or more. Sunshine. Men and women run through the streets exalting their freedom from parkas. Children pull out their beloved flip-flops and cut-offs. Put on a tee shirt. Work in your yard. What a glorious moment!!

But we should know...everyone who has lived here more than one year should know. It's not over yet. No...Mr. Winter will creep back in with that one final snowfall just to try and drive us all completely insane. And by then, it's too late. We don't care. We're tired of snow. We're tired of ice. We WANT to drive 65 miles an hour. It's our Right as Americans! And no stinkin' weather pattern is going to hold us back!! Oh, we see the white powder on the ground. But we are headstrong...we are determined...we are about to make the body shops very happy again. We have ended as we began. The circle is complete...

So..we'll see. Maybe we won't get the snow. But if we do, well - maybe I'll just stay home!

Until we meet again...