Things You Never Think About...

Yesterday I opened my refrigerator door and nearly had a heart attack. It was completely dark. My first thought was, "Dear Lord, it has died too! After I blogged that it would never die because I don't own it, it went and died!!"

Then, as I was standing there panicking, I hear the motor begin whirring again...and realize...IT'S ALIVE!!! (Felt the urge to pay homage to Frankenstein there) So, anyway..I begin exploring what is wrong with the thing. And then I realize it...the light bulb blew.

Did you realize there's a tiny little light bulb in your refrigerator? I mean, I guess I probably always knew subconsciously that there must be some kind of bulb in it. Otherwise how would a light come on when you opened the door? But I never once opened the door and thought, "Oh good, the little light bulb is still working!" I mean...have you ever thought that? I doubt you have. Even if you tell me that you have. Seriously, who ever gives a thought to a refrigerator light bulb??

So now here I am with a dark refrigerator. I mean, I am in no way prepared for a tiny refrigerator light bulb burn out emergency. How in the world will I ever remember to buy one of those? I can't even remember to pick up a gallon of milk when I run out. (Which reminds me, I forgot to put the milk I just bought away. Don't go anywhere...I'll be right back...)

So, OK - where do you find these tiny refrigerator light bulbs? Now I'll spend hours wandering around the store trying to locate one of these things. And then I'll no doubt buy the wrong size or wattage or whatever and have to go through the huge rigmarole of returning it. But, it has to be done. You have no idea how depressing it is to open your refrigerator door and no light comes on. Especially if it's the middle of the night. I mean...that just ain't right.

It just ain't, I tell ya....

10:20 pm - an update to the tiny refrigerator light dilema....

Now I go back to the fridge, and the light is on.

OH NO....the other electronics have gotten to it!!

I must figure out how to stop the mutiny!!!!!

Fun at WallyWorld

Tonight Mom and I went on our weekly Friday night outing to Mansfield for eating and shopping. Heather usually goes with us, but she wimped out and stayed home tonight, no doubt laying on the couch watching NCIS and gorging on frozen seedless grapes. So Moomaw and I set out for the Sam Walton Tour of Sam's Club and Walmart. And I tell you, if you can survive a night of traipsing through both of those stores, you are made of stout stuff!

We first prepare ourselves with a hearty Quizno's sub. (Ah...Turkey, Bacon & Guacamole...you are heaven sent...) Then off to the ultimate warehouse extraordinaire! I mean, who can pass up a 500 count bottle of daily vitamins, or a 12 pound box of Fiber One bars?? (Do you have any idea what that many Fiber One bars could do to your digestive system??!) Mom eyes the flat screen TV's...she has been bitten by the bug, I think! (Hezzo and Adam got one for Christmas, and I got one in the great machine mutiny of previous days, as detailed in a former blog...) However, she resists. (A strong woman, she is!) We leave there with considerably less money than when we walked through the doors.

Next, on to the abysmal pit that is Walmart. It is a masochist's dream, really. I find it truly amazing that you can pass 37 aisles with no one in them, but as you reach the one with the item you absolutely have to have you suddenly are thronged by 68 people, all with carts and all just standing and staring at the selection in front of them. Well, all except for the 15 who are standing there talking to someone else and blocking any possible hole that there may be to get through the aisle. It takes a great deal of strategic planning to navigate such an obstacle course. Trust me, it is not for the faint of heart!

Now, between Sam & Wally's we have walked about 36 miles tonight. And we're only halfway through Wally's. We are weary...we are tired....we seek but just a spot of rest. But we continue on, bravely facing each ensuing enemy with fortitude of heart. There's the screaming child, who's shrill little voice has the ability to shatter even the healthiest of eardrums...the go-cart-shopping-cart-driver who does not know how to drive the go-cart-shopping-cart, therefore keeping you jumping at every turn in fear of being run over by the wanna-be Mario Andretti...the gang of LOUD people who seem to follow you wherever you go, even when you zig-zag your normal shopping patterns in an attempt to lose them. **Sigh**

Finally we make it to the front of the store. This is known as the land of "wait in line forever". (OK, I'll give them this, tonight they did pretty good. But it's usually not that way!) After handing over whatever money you may have left after Sam's dug into your pocketbook, you are finally free!! Well, that is, if you can make it past those giant security thingies that start screaming if you have anything in a bag that has the least little bit of label showing on it. After being searched and interrogated, you are released. As the doors open miraculously in front of you, you are filled with glee...Home, here we come!!!

If only we could remember where we parked the car....

Machine Mutiny

Ssshhhh...I'm typing this blog very quietly so as not to alert the other appliances in my house to its content...

My electronics have gone on what appears to be an organized mutiny lately. Honestly, how on earth do they know when one of them decides to die? It is actually amazing when you think about it. It started with the microwave and the machine-gun sounds it started making every time I turned it on. So, in fear of being pelted by stray gamma waves and have my insides secretly cooked in my sleep, I broke down and replaced it.

In the meantime, I finally discovered the source of my telephone/Internet problems...which had been an ongoing saga for nearly a year. If I were on the Internet and the phone would ring, the Internet would disconnect. I would just like to say that you cannot imagine how annoying that actually is. I called my wonderful Internet provider on numerous occasions to determine the root cause of this. I finally decided that spending 12 hours of my life talking to idiots was not a worthwhile venture...so I gave up.

Twas about that time that my television started its slow death march. Taking at least 10 - 15 minutes for the picture to arrive when turned on, it had turned into the world's biggest, ugliest radio. Again...extremely annoying. Then it just died. I held a lovely memorial service and then stole a TV from mom's as a temporary replacement. Unfortunately, it was dead too. Ahh...perhaps we have a cable problem. So contact the wonderful cable provider (yes, the same nuts as above) to rewire my apt. While I'm watching the dude work, I casually mention my phone problem. He picks it up and says, "Oh...it's a 2.4 GHz. It's on the same frequency as your Internet...that's why it keeps cutting out." Are you kidding me??!! I didn't know whether to kick him or hug him. (You'll be happy to know I refrained from both.)

So, I purchase a new phone. This was a fiasco in itself...probably worthy of it's own special blog. (So I will spare you that tonight.) So back to the TV...the cable rewiring complete...and it is still in need of life support. I have no choice but to take drastic action....and so tonight I sit and watch a brand new flat screen TV, while the 387-pound-12-year-old-tube TV and the slightly-smaller- but-almost-as-heavy-stolen television sit contentedly on the floor beside it. I am broke, but satisfied.

Now I live in fear...what is next?? The alarm clock...the curling iron....the keyboard??? (I do not fear for the refrigerator or stove as they are not owned by me, therefore will live forever I am sure.) OH - I now see. The stereo, which has started performing a lovely trick of increasing its volume to near deafening levels regardless of which way you turn the dial. The mutiny continues...