Well, yesterday I had to go to Cleveland again for another seminar. I honestly don't know how in the world people can stand to drive through that traffic every day. Or, sit through it, I guess I should say. It's maddening!
However, I do have to admit, the small towns aren't always better. First of all, one thing that small towns are great at is closing down multiple roads at once so that you have to drive 377 miles to get across a town that is only 5 miles wide. I know the big cities have a lot of construction, but they've usually got 2 or 3 lanes to work with so you can still pretty much keep going your normal route. Around here, it's a one lane road that suddenly has a giant hole in it. I've found that can be a real problem. And the two areas that are the best at closing every convenient route conceivable all at once are the town I live in and the town I work in. Oh, it just works out wonderfully, I tell you.
So anyway, right now there's a bridge closed on my normal way to work, which I forget every morning until I've gone about too far in that direction and have to make a wild u-turn to cut back across town. I drive about 15 feet when I see the car caterpillar ahead of me. For those of you that don't know, that's a line of cars that are just creeping along. Most generally car caterpillars are led by one of two creatures...the school bus or the farm machinery. Today it was the school bus.
So I join the caterpillar body and we drive about 3 feet at 2 miles an hour then stop....little kid comes moping out of the house, in no apparent hurry to make it to school anytime this week. Finally the little angel gets in and finds a seat, and off we go. 3 more feet. 2 miles an hour. Sit and wait. Mmm, Mom's gotta hug and kiss and double-check this one's backpack before they get their precious little hide on the bus. Finally...we're off. Another 3 feet. GOOD GRIEF - Can't all these kids get together in one place and wait for the bus? That's what we had to do!! Our driver made one stop on the road, and by gum, you better be there or he'd leave you! Even if you chased him down the road yelling for him to stop while all the other bratty kids laughed at you! (Yes, that happened to me once and I still hold deep scars from it, as you can see.) Somebody needs to toughen these little dudes up! Finally we make a little more progress...then we start all over again. Really, do kids need an education that bad? Just let the little tikes sleep...at least until I get out of town!
OK - I've cleared the town and now am heading out 96. Speed Limit - 55. Sure would be nice if somebody told that to the guy in front of me. 40 miles an hour. PAH-LEEESE MISTER! You're Killing Me Here! Now this road is fairly winding, so there's not many opportunities to pass. Of course, in the couple that there are, he decides to speed up to 65. OK...Now I see your little game.
So just as I'm ready to blow past him, he flips on his turn signal (at the last minute, of course) and whips off to a side street. It's a wonder I didn't hit him. But at least I'm free! 55 (or perhaps a tad bit faster) here I come!
Until I see the humongous farm tractor pull out in front of me. AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHH! Now this isn't just any farm equipment. It's one of those monster ones that have giant spikes sticking out of the sides that are ready to strip the paint off of your car if you even think about trying to pass it. But since I can't tolerate 40 miles an hour, you can imagine how I'm doing at 12 miles an hour, so I take a chance and pass the green monster. Thankfully I reach the other side with all car parts intact. We're makin' progress now!
So I head into the last stretch, and lo and behold, here's a construction truck hauling a trailer with a bunch of loose drywall in it. Well this is good, I'm probably going to be pelted by this junk any time now because it's flinging all over the place. So, here I go again...let's pass him. Except THIS dude decides to move to the middle of the road. Which was quite a problem because I was BESIDE him at the time, with nothing but 1/2 foot of road and a ditch beside me. And he won't move over. I don't know if he was extremely unobservant or just a jerk, but I finally figured it wasn't worth it so I backed off of him. And drove 15 miles an hour the rest of the way to work. I should have taken an extra blood pressure pill this morning.
So, like I said, I don't know how people can stand driving these little backroads all the time. Man, rush hour at a major city wouldn't be this bad!!
Yeah, the grass is always greener....
Showing posts with label car. Show all posts
Showing posts with label car. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
On The Road
I'm blogging tonight from a hotel room in Independence, Ohio which is just outside of Cleveland. I have to take a class tomorrow at Case Western University, which is downtown Cleveland and I didn't want to have to get up at 3 in the morning to get there. (Or 5...whatever.) I would have stayed actually in Cleveland, but tonight is the first night of the Eastern Conference NBA Finals, duly hosted by LaBron James and Co. in downtown Cleveland. (GO CAVS!) Which means you probably can't move in that place...so I'm out here in the "suburbs".
Booked this room at a Holiday Inn Express. Figured was like a 3 or 4 story hotel, right? Wrong. I pulled in this parking lot and there's about 800 cars in here. That's really not much of an exaggeration. I can find NOWHERE to park. So I end up in front of some trailer that I wouldn't be surprised if they tow away in the middle of the night, probably obliterating my car along with it. Good thing I'm driving a company vehicle.
So I finally get in this place, and there's all these booths set up. Seems they're having a bridge conference here today. No, not the kind that you drive over. The card game kind. Yeah, that's right...you know, the game old people play. Which probably explains why there are 800 old people jamming the hallways. (Which probably explains the 800 cars in the parking lot too!) Have you ever tried to get through a hallway of 800 old people. Not easy....not fun. I thought I was gonna have to deck a couple of 'em. (HA - "deck"...get it...cards...deck....good one, huh?!)
So I finally fight my way to the front desk and have to stand behind a woman who is mad because her refrigerator is broke. Oh for the love of Mike lady...move on! Then some guy come stands behind me and seems to know everyone who walks by. Because they all call him by name and he keeps repeating "You never saw me here. Just remember, you never saw me here!" OK....time for me to move on!
So after unloading my junk I'm hungry, so I head out for food. My little Garmin (who is one of the most wonderful pieces of technology I've ever owned!) tells me there's an Olive Garden 4.3 miles away. I hear Chicken & Gnocchi soup calling. What Mr. Garmin failed to tell me was that the 4.3 miles was construction all the way. I might as well have gone back to Mansfield. Lord. I finally find the Garden and head in. My waiter looks like an extremely skinny Kenny Bishop (if you know who he is. Gospel singer) And I can't understand a word he says. Seriously. He looks at me and says something that sounds like "Ah Bah blahdoo bonis de bibberbot?" I have no idea. So I just nod. He could have just told me that he's going to cut out my own liver and serve it to me tonight. I just kept nodding. Lord.
I eat as quickly as I can because I'm tired and just want to get back to the hotel. But first I need to grab a couple things at the Store. So I head out and stand in the parking lot. I'm just standing there because I can't find my car. It seems I've forgotten that I'm driving a company car. Then when I do remember that, I can't remember what it looks like. I have this problem with that car all the time. I don't know what's wrong with me. I finally hit the remote key lock until I see the lights blinking, and it's off to find a store. Wal Mart is across the road. Giant Eagle is right behind me. The Eagle it is. I want three things. A couple bottles of water, some Snyder's cheese popcorn and toothpaste, as I am pretty sure I left mine at home. Find the water...move along. I have to walk through the largest selection of alcohol that I have ever seen. Honest to goodness, I had no idea so many booze choices existed. Apparently they like to drink in this town. From there to the snack aisle, where they have every kind of chip and snack known to man. Every kind that is, except Snyder's Cheese Popcorn. Unbelievable. I buy a bag of off brand and head out. Well, after I stand in the parking lot a while trying to find the car....
The trip back wasn't quite as bad as the trip going. Everyone is probably in watching the start of the Cavs game now. I get back to my room (still have to park in front of that trailer) and try to settle in. It's then that I remember the third thing I needed from the store. No Toothpaste. Good Grief. So I call the front desk for help, and walla - someone magically appears with a little tube to save me. I then spend 15 minutes trying to connect to the "complimentary wireless service" that they claim is throughout this building. I FINALLY get on and see that Jasmine has sent me a note on Facebook about my last blog. I respond back to her - will be exciting to get together this weekend! Then I go into my corporate e-mail and see a stupid note from a stupid vendor, which I forward to my boss with a sarcastic note that I probably should not have sent. Ah, never know when to quit while I'm ahead!
So that brings me to this point....laying on the bed blogging and watching the Cavs blow the Magic away. I guess the night could have been worse. I hope the morning is just a bit better, however!
Night All!
Booked this room at a Holiday Inn Express. Figured was like a 3 or 4 story hotel, right? Wrong. I pulled in this parking lot and there's about 800 cars in here. That's really not much of an exaggeration. I can find NOWHERE to park. So I end up in front of some trailer that I wouldn't be surprised if they tow away in the middle of the night, probably obliterating my car along with it. Good thing I'm driving a company vehicle.
So I finally get in this place, and there's all these booths set up. Seems they're having a bridge conference here today. No, not the kind that you drive over. The card game kind. Yeah, that's right...you know, the game old people play. Which probably explains why there are 800 old people jamming the hallways. (Which probably explains the 800 cars in the parking lot too!) Have you ever tried to get through a hallway of 800 old people. Not easy....not fun. I thought I was gonna have to deck a couple of 'em. (HA - "deck"...get it...cards...deck....good one, huh?!)
So I finally fight my way to the front desk and have to stand behind a woman who is mad because her refrigerator is broke. Oh for the love of Mike lady...move on! Then some guy come stands behind me and seems to know everyone who walks by. Because they all call him by name and he keeps repeating "You never saw me here. Just remember, you never saw me here!" OK....time for me to move on!
So after unloading my junk I'm hungry, so I head out for food. My little Garmin (who is one of the most wonderful pieces of technology I've ever owned!) tells me there's an Olive Garden 4.3 miles away. I hear Chicken & Gnocchi soup calling. What Mr. Garmin failed to tell me was that the 4.3 miles was construction all the way. I might as well have gone back to Mansfield. Lord. I finally find the Garden and head in. My waiter looks like an extremely skinny Kenny Bishop (if you know who he is. Gospel singer) And I can't understand a word he says. Seriously. He looks at me and says something that sounds like "Ah Bah blahdoo bonis de bibberbot?" I have no idea. So I just nod. He could have just told me that he's going to cut out my own liver and serve it to me tonight. I just kept nodding. Lord.
I eat as quickly as I can because I'm tired and just want to get back to the hotel. But first I need to grab a couple things at the Store. So I head out and stand in the parking lot. I'm just standing there because I can't find my car. It seems I've forgotten that I'm driving a company car. Then when I do remember that, I can't remember what it looks like. I have this problem with that car all the time. I don't know what's wrong with me. I finally hit the remote key lock until I see the lights blinking, and it's off to find a store. Wal Mart is across the road. Giant Eagle is right behind me. The Eagle it is. I want three things. A couple bottles of water, some Snyder's cheese popcorn and toothpaste, as I am pretty sure I left mine at home. Find the water...move along. I have to walk through the largest selection of alcohol that I have ever seen. Honest to goodness, I had no idea so many booze choices existed. Apparently they like to drink in this town. From there to the snack aisle, where they have every kind of chip and snack known to man. Every kind that is, except Snyder's Cheese Popcorn. Unbelievable. I buy a bag of off brand and head out. Well, after I stand in the parking lot a while trying to find the car....
The trip back wasn't quite as bad as the trip going. Everyone is probably in watching the start of the Cavs game now. I get back to my room (still have to park in front of that trailer) and try to settle in. It's then that I remember the third thing I needed from the store. No Toothpaste. Good Grief. So I call the front desk for help, and walla - someone magically appears with a little tube to save me. I then spend 15 minutes trying to connect to the "complimentary wireless service" that they claim is throughout this building. I FINALLY get on and see that Jasmine has sent me a note on Facebook about my last blog. I respond back to her - will be exciting to get together this weekend! Then I go into my corporate e-mail and see a stupid note from a stupid vendor, which I forward to my boss with a sarcastic note that I probably should not have sent. Ah, never know when to quit while I'm ahead!
So that brings me to this point....laying on the bed blogging and watching the Cavs blow the Magic away. I guess the night could have been worse. I hope the morning is just a bit better, however!
Night All!
Friday, May 1, 2009
It's Not My Fault...
I did something I hate today.
I killed a bird.
It wasn't my fault. The thing just swooped in like a Japanese Kamikaze fighter and landed smack dab on my grill before I even saw it. Why do birds do that? My theory is that they're getting lazier. No, I'm not kidding. There was a day when birds never swooped down on me like that. OK, they might drift into the windshield...but the grill?! Come on Tweety - get some air under those wings! And Dad would always tell us not to worry about birds in the road because they'll get out of the way before you hit them. HA! The ones around here anymore just stand there and stare you down...like they're DARING you to hit them! So either they're getting mighty lazy or mighty attitudy. Either way, they're gonna die if they don't knock it off!
Now compare them to the squirrels. See, I really feel bad when I hit the squirrels. Because they don't have the attitude. They are just schizophrenic. Seriously, have you ever watched a squirrel crossing the road? They can be running in a simple straight line...would be perfectly fine if they'd just keep going. But no...the minute they hear a car, what do they do? Stop. Stand up. Look panicked. Turn to run the other direction. No, that's no good. Turn the other way. No...stop....no...run faster...no...stop...turn around....stop...go..wait...go...nnnooooooo....JUST TAKE A BIG LEAP AND JUMP AS FAR AS YOU CAN!!!! By this time you've either given yourself whiplash trying to avoid them...or turned them into a little squirrel pancake. Neither option is very desirable.
Of course it's never good when you hit someone's family pet. Really...let's not even go there, as I still harbor very ill feelings for the people who killed our little dog Molly. Of course that could also be because they were driving a tour bus 80 miles an hour down a small residential street, and a little toy poodle stands very little chance against a tour bus going 80 miles an hour. Very little. Dumb people.
My personal worst though was the deer. See, they're most generally to blame for their own deaths too. I mean, we put up crossing signs for them at specific spots along the road, but do they ever cross there? NOOOO. Little renegades. Well, see what they get. It's lovely really...there's nothing like having a big brown, hoofed animal flying into your windshield. At 12 midnight. When you're all by yourself on a country road. I call the police, then call mom. I'm trying to tell her what happened, and I can hear dad in the background hollering "What happened, what happened??" So she's trying to tell him while I try to tell her...which, well you can imagine how that was going. Then I can hear dad switching over to "Tell her to lock her doors! Tell her to lock her doors! Does she have her doors locked? Tell her to lock her doors!". Finally I shout into the phone - "Mom - tell Dad I DO have my doors locked!" That must have been his biggest concern, because I didn't hear him again. He never asked if I was hurt...as long as I had taken care of the essential door locking. Ah, the things that weigh on a father's mind.
At one point in my life I was killing an animal every time I got into the car. It was weird...they just kept running out in front of me. And I kept hitting them. I'd go into work all droopy and tell them, "Well, I killed a (rabbit, bird, squirrel) again this morning. So one day I go in and they've taken the rabbit head from our Company's Easter Bunny costume and put it under one of the legs of my chair, and changed my screen saver to read "THUMP, THUMP".
HA HA - Very funny. Bunch of smart alecks.
So anyway...I do try to avoid them, but sometimes it just happens. So please beware all you little schizophrenic woodland creatures that may or may not have an attitude or are feeling lazy today and don't want to cross at the crossing sign like you're supposed too...
You're taking your life into your own hands!
(uh...I mean..paws. Or hooves. Or wings. Or...whatever....)
I killed a bird.
It wasn't my fault. The thing just swooped in like a Japanese Kamikaze fighter and landed smack dab on my grill before I even saw it. Why do birds do that? My theory is that they're getting lazier. No, I'm not kidding. There was a day when birds never swooped down on me like that. OK, they might drift into the windshield...but the grill?! Come on Tweety - get some air under those wings! And Dad would always tell us not to worry about birds in the road because they'll get out of the way before you hit them. HA! The ones around here anymore just stand there and stare you down...like they're DARING you to hit them! So either they're getting mighty lazy or mighty attitudy. Either way, they're gonna die if they don't knock it off!
Now compare them to the squirrels. See, I really feel bad when I hit the squirrels. Because they don't have the attitude. They are just schizophrenic. Seriously, have you ever watched a squirrel crossing the road? They can be running in a simple straight line...would be perfectly fine if they'd just keep going. But no...the minute they hear a car, what do they do? Stop. Stand up. Look panicked. Turn to run the other direction. No, that's no good. Turn the other way. No...stop....no...run faster...no...stop...turn around....stop...go..wait...go...nnnooooooo....JUST TAKE A BIG LEAP AND JUMP AS FAR AS YOU CAN!!!! By this time you've either given yourself whiplash trying to avoid them...or turned them into a little squirrel pancake. Neither option is very desirable.
Of course it's never good when you hit someone's family pet. Really...let's not even go there, as I still harbor very ill feelings for the people who killed our little dog Molly. Of course that could also be because they were driving a tour bus 80 miles an hour down a small residential street, and a little toy poodle stands very little chance against a tour bus going 80 miles an hour. Very little. Dumb people.
My personal worst though was the deer. See, they're most generally to blame for their own deaths too. I mean, we put up crossing signs for them at specific spots along the road, but do they ever cross there? NOOOO. Little renegades. Well, see what they get. It's lovely really...there's nothing like having a big brown, hoofed animal flying into your windshield. At 12 midnight. When you're all by yourself on a country road. I call the police, then call mom. I'm trying to tell her what happened, and I can hear dad in the background hollering "What happened, what happened??" So she's trying to tell him while I try to tell her...which, well you can imagine how that was going. Then I can hear dad switching over to "Tell her to lock her doors! Tell her to lock her doors! Does she have her doors locked? Tell her to lock her doors!". Finally I shout into the phone - "Mom - tell Dad I DO have my doors locked!" That must have been his biggest concern, because I didn't hear him again. He never asked if I was hurt...as long as I had taken care of the essential door locking. Ah, the things that weigh on a father's mind.
At one point in my life I was killing an animal every time I got into the car. It was weird...they just kept running out in front of me. And I kept hitting them. I'd go into work all droopy and tell them, "Well, I killed a (rabbit, bird, squirrel) again this morning. So one day I go in and they've taken the rabbit head from our Company's Easter Bunny costume and put it under one of the legs of my chair, and changed my screen saver to read "THUMP, THUMP".
HA HA - Very funny. Bunch of smart alecks.
So anyway...I do try to avoid them, but sometimes it just happens. So please beware all you little schizophrenic woodland creatures that may or may not have an attitude or are feeling lazy today and don't want to cross at the crossing sign like you're supposed too...
You're taking your life into your own hands!
(uh...I mean..paws. Or hooves. Or wings. Or...whatever....)
Monday, April 27, 2009
Apartment Livin'
I'm ready to move.
I have lived in the same apartment since 1994. Or maybe it was 1996. Well, whenever that bomb went off in Olympic park at the Atlanta games...that's the day I moved in here. (What a way to remember it, huh...) I have 4 rooms...living, bed, bath and kitchen. I'm not complaining about it - they're good sized...the building is pretty secure....we have a laundry room in the basement...I don't have to worry about mowing the grass or shoveling walks. A lot of folks out there are a lot worse off than me. But still...I'm ready for a change.
For one, there are some distinct downsides to apartment living. One such issue...while there is a laundry room, of course we have to pay. Quarters only. I hoard quarters like a raving lunatic. I mean it...if it came right down to it, I'd cut your little pinkie right off to get a quarter away from you. It truly brings out a less-than-lovely side to a soul's personality.
On top of that, I live on the second floor. Which means since the laundry room is in the basement, I have to go down 3 flights of stairs to get to it. So I load up my basket as full as I can possibly cram it and lug it down the stairs. Open the basement door...no - can't open it - neighbor locked it on me. Don't have my keys. Put the basket down...back up the stairs. Get the keys, back down the stairs, open the door, head down the treacherous stairway of death that is nearly too narrow to carry a basket down. Get to the washers and realize...someone else has left their wash in them. OK...don't want to carry that stupid basket back upstairs, so will leave it downstairs in my bin. Hmm...left the key to my bin upstairs. !!!!! Hide the basket back in the corner and hope no one steals my clothes. Repeat this process about 3 times before whoever it was finally retrieves their clothes. Did I bring the quar...I forgot the stupid quarters upstairs! Back up. Back down. Back up to wait. Back down to retrieve. Clothes are Gainy fresh. Now...if I could just get the others to get theirs out of the stupid dryer...
Parking is a joy too. There's no garage. And the lot is on the other side of the building from my place. So I normally park on the road in front of my door. That is, until everybody else in the building decides they want to park there too. Oh, but they only do that on the nights that I have 100 pounds of stuff to carry in. You'd think I'd be in better shape than I am by now. And winter is just grand. Try scraping 12 inches of ice and snow off a car standing the middle of a road where apparently people are not allowed to slow down as they drive through it because they sure as shootin' never do! The greatest invention I've ever found is "Heet" in a can. Takes ice right off the car. Of course I discovered the hard way that since the can is metal it will also eat the flesh right off your fingers if you spray it on a cold morning without gloves on. I cried all the way to work one day. It was not pretty.
Another problem is...well, me. I appear to be a bit of a pack rat. So you do the math....4 rooms....15 years.....that's a lot of junk in a little space. A LOT of junk. Really...you just have no idea how much junk...
SO...I'm ripe for a change. Someday, maybe, it will be a reality. I can't wait for the moment.
AND I dread it.
I mean, dear lord...how I am I going to pack all this junk...
I have lived in the same apartment since 1994. Or maybe it was 1996. Well, whenever that bomb went off in Olympic park at the Atlanta games...that's the day I moved in here. (What a way to remember it, huh...) I have 4 rooms...living, bed, bath and kitchen. I'm not complaining about it - they're good sized...the building is pretty secure....we have a laundry room in the basement...I don't have to worry about mowing the grass or shoveling walks. A lot of folks out there are a lot worse off than me. But still...I'm ready for a change.
For one, there are some distinct downsides to apartment living. One such issue...while there is a laundry room, of course we have to pay. Quarters only. I hoard quarters like a raving lunatic. I mean it...if it came right down to it, I'd cut your little pinkie right off to get a quarter away from you. It truly brings out a less-than-lovely side to a soul's personality.
On top of that, I live on the second floor. Which means since the laundry room is in the basement, I have to go down 3 flights of stairs to get to it. So I load up my basket as full as I can possibly cram it and lug it down the stairs. Open the basement door...no - can't open it - neighbor locked it on me. Don't have my keys. Put the basket down...back up the stairs. Get the keys, back down the stairs, open the door, head down the treacherous stairway of death that is nearly too narrow to carry a basket down. Get to the washers and realize...someone else has left their wash in them. OK...don't want to carry that stupid basket back upstairs, so will leave it downstairs in my bin. Hmm...left the key to my bin upstairs. !!!!! Hide the basket back in the corner and hope no one steals my clothes. Repeat this process about 3 times before whoever it was finally retrieves their clothes. Did I bring the quar...I forgot the stupid quarters upstairs! Back up. Back down. Back up to wait. Back down to retrieve. Clothes are Gainy fresh. Now...if I could just get the others to get theirs out of the stupid dryer...
Parking is a joy too. There's no garage. And the lot is on the other side of the building from my place. So I normally park on the road in front of my door. That is, until everybody else in the building decides they want to park there too. Oh, but they only do that on the nights that I have 100 pounds of stuff to carry in. You'd think I'd be in better shape than I am by now. And winter is just grand. Try scraping 12 inches of ice and snow off a car standing the middle of a road where apparently people are not allowed to slow down as they drive through it because they sure as shootin' never do! The greatest invention I've ever found is "Heet" in a can. Takes ice right off the car. Of course I discovered the hard way that since the can is metal it will also eat the flesh right off your fingers if you spray it on a cold morning without gloves on. I cried all the way to work one day. It was not pretty.
Another problem is...well, me. I appear to be a bit of a pack rat. So you do the math....4 rooms....15 years.....that's a lot of junk in a little space. A LOT of junk. Really...you just have no idea how much junk...
SO...I'm ripe for a change. Someday, maybe, it will be a reality. I can't wait for the moment.
AND I dread it.
I mean, dear lord...how I am I going to pack all this junk...
Thursday, April 23, 2009
They're Lying To Us
I reached into my purse today for a delectable piece of my favorite Stride gum when I noticed a graphic on the package that says "Ridiculously Improved". That seems a bit...well, over the top for gum. I mean, how can you "ridiculously" improve gum? Well, maybe if it was that dubble-bubble stuff that loses its flavor 2 seconds after you've put it in your mouth. Because any improvement to that stuff would be a "ridiculous" improvement. Really...have you ever chewed it? It's incomprehensible to me how fast it loses flavor. I'd be ashamed to sell it if I were them. I don't care how cute the little comics on the wrapper are. Seriously.
But....anyway...back to the Stride. Trying to be ever the optimist, I start chewing the gum and brace myself for the super-explosion of flavor and chewability improvement that I was about to experience.
Just as I suspected...they lied to me.
Companies do this all the time. They try to convince us that they've got the greatest product on the planet earth when they know they're selling us junk. It's insulting. It truly is. Do they think people do not care about such things? Do they think we have no passion about being lied to? Well, I'll tell you, if you want to experience the passion you should be sitting beside Aunt Diana when the Oxy-Clean guy comes on TV. She'll blow your eardrums out screaming "LIAR, LIAR"!!! Quite frankly, I don't think she likes Oxy-Clean.
Just like a couple of minutes ago...the latest Saturn commercial comes on where some guy in the shiniest green shirt I've ever seen in my life has the gall and audacity to sit on his little stool and tell us all how Saturn won't take your car away if you lose your job because they care about their customers and would never do anything to make their lives worse in bad times.
LIAR!! LIAR!!
As you might can tell, I have had prior bad experiences with the above mentioned company. And I can assure you, their main concern with me was not on the care and satisfaction of their customer. It wasn't. At all. All they wanted was my money. Trust me. Don't trust them.
So I stand my ground against all of the evil corporations who lie to us. I will not praise Stride for being ridiculously improved. (Although I do still chew it because, you know, I really like the gum. And it sure does beat dubble-bubble.) And I will not spend my hard earned dollars on another car from a guy sitting on a little stool just because he wears very shiny clothes.
No I won't.
Aunt Diana would be proud.
But....anyway...back to the Stride. Trying to be ever the optimist, I start chewing the gum and brace myself for the super-explosion of flavor and chewability improvement that I was about to experience.
Just as I suspected...they lied to me.
Companies do this all the time. They try to convince us that they've got the greatest product on the planet earth when they know they're selling us junk. It's insulting. It truly is. Do they think people do not care about such things? Do they think we have no passion about being lied to? Well, I'll tell you, if you want to experience the passion you should be sitting beside Aunt Diana when the Oxy-Clean guy comes on TV. She'll blow your eardrums out screaming "LIAR, LIAR"!!! Quite frankly, I don't think she likes Oxy-Clean.
Just like a couple of minutes ago...the latest Saturn commercial comes on where some guy in the shiniest green shirt I've ever seen in my life has the gall and audacity to sit on his little stool and tell us all how Saturn won't take your car away if you lose your job because they care about their customers and would never do anything to make their lives worse in bad times.
LIAR!! LIAR!!
As you might can tell, I have had prior bad experiences with the above mentioned company. And I can assure you, their main concern with me was not on the care and satisfaction of their customer. It wasn't. At all. All they wanted was my money. Trust me. Don't trust them.
So I stand my ground against all of the evil corporations who lie to us. I will not praise Stride for being ridiculously improved. (Although I do still chew it because, you know, I really like the gum. And it sure does beat dubble-bubble.) And I will not spend my hard earned dollars on another car from a guy sitting on a little stool just because he wears very shiny clothes.
No I won't.
Aunt Diana would be proud.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Bad Times To Do Stupid Things
Have you ever noticed that very often whenever we (meaning anyone qualifying as human) do something really stupid, it's many times at the worst possible moment or under the worst scenarios we could have picked? We call it irony. I think God calls it a good chuckle.
Today I had to take my boss and another manager to the Columbus airport, as they are flying to San Antonio (even as I'm typing this.) Well first, my boss was a bit frazzled this morning. Our opening conversation of the day started with her spewing out something like this..."I-can't-believe-we're-leaving-at-2:00-I'm-not-even-packed-I-don't-even-have-my-suitcase-out-I-have-meetings-all-morning-I-have-a-hair-appt-at-noon-I-need-to-get-baggies-for-the-kids-lunches-and-apples-and-caramel-that-you-can-only-buy-at-Wal-mart....."
OK...this is going to be a long day.
So, I give her the old "Don't worry about a thing, we'll get it all done, it will all be OK" speech (even though I was thinking we'd both probably be dead by noon trying to hold it all together), and then we head off into the day.
Well, we got through all the meetings, then I sent her off to get her hair done and pack and I went to Wal-mart for her. This was my second trip there today. I had previously visited at 7:00 a.m. because I realize halfway to work that I have something stained all over my shirt. So, Wally gets more of my money as I purchase some new duds, and I look at least halfway presentable for the day. Or at least until lunch when I'll probably spill something all over me anyway.
So - I drop off her baggies/apples/caramel at her house, grab a bite to eat, then at 2 load up Rhonda (the manager) in the car and we head out to pick up Dona (the boss). Soon we're all in and down the road we go. Now, I'm driving a company car. Which I hardly ever drive. And this thing has a touchy brake and gas pedal. And the weather is kind of insane today. Honestly...one moment the sun was warm and bright, then suddenly it's hailing. Then it turns to rain. Then the wind about knocks you over. Then it's hailing again. It was bizarre.
So, we're heading down 23 about to pick up 270. I'm not familiar with this route, so I ask Rhonda how close I am to 270. She says "Mmmm - it's right up there. You need to get in the right lane." OK, I'm sitting at a red light with 93 cars beside me in the right lane. There's no way I'm ever going to get over in time to make the exit. So I tell them, "Hold on..I'm going to gun it when this light changes and get in front of those cars." Sounded like a good plan. Too bad I didn't let the car in on it. The light changes, I hit the gas.....And tore like 3 layers of rubber off the tires. Rhonda and Dona both about jump out of their skin. And I must have really caught the other cars off guard, because they didn't even move. No exaggeration....I was probably 300 feet up the road before I saw any of them even start to take off.
Good Grief...how embarrassing.
I have never, ever once "burned rubber" in a car. Not, that is, until I get into a company car with my boss and another manager sitting in it with me.
Now I could say it was because the road was wet. Or possibly because there was a lot of weight in the back with their luggage back there. But actually...Yeah...I think God was just having a good chuckle today.
I will say that fortunately my boss is a pretty laid back lady and she found it rather humorous. Although I know now I will no doubt never hear the end of it. I guess we all have our crosses to bear, huh!
So here's to hoping you all have an "irony-free" day...and if you do have to do something really stupid - that no one else is around to see it!
Today I had to take my boss and another manager to the Columbus airport, as they are flying to San Antonio (even as I'm typing this.) Well first, my boss was a bit frazzled this morning. Our opening conversation of the day started with her spewing out something like this..."I-can't-believe-we're-leaving-at-2:00-I'm-not-even-packed-I-don't-even-have-my-suitcase-out-I-have-meetings-all-morning-I-have-a-hair-appt-at-noon-I-need-to-get-baggies-for-the-kids-lunches-and-apples-and-caramel-that-you-can-only-buy-at-Wal-mart....."
OK...this is going to be a long day.
So, I give her the old "Don't worry about a thing, we'll get it all done, it will all be OK" speech (even though I was thinking we'd both probably be dead by noon trying to hold it all together), and then we head off into the day.
Well, we got through all the meetings, then I sent her off to get her hair done and pack and I went to Wal-mart for her. This was my second trip there today. I had previously visited at 7:00 a.m. because I realize halfway to work that I have something stained all over my shirt. So, Wally gets more of my money as I purchase some new duds, and I look at least halfway presentable for the day. Or at least until lunch when I'll probably spill something all over me anyway.
So - I drop off her baggies/apples/caramel at her house, grab a bite to eat, then at 2 load up Rhonda (the manager) in the car and we head out to pick up Dona (the boss). Soon we're all in and down the road we go. Now, I'm driving a company car. Which I hardly ever drive. And this thing has a touchy brake and gas pedal. And the weather is kind of insane today. Honestly...one moment the sun was warm and bright, then suddenly it's hailing. Then it turns to rain. Then the wind about knocks you over. Then it's hailing again. It was bizarre.
So, we're heading down 23 about to pick up 270. I'm not familiar with this route, so I ask Rhonda how close I am to 270. She says "Mmmm - it's right up there. You need to get in the right lane." OK, I'm sitting at a red light with 93 cars beside me in the right lane. There's no way I'm ever going to get over in time to make the exit. So I tell them, "Hold on..I'm going to gun it when this light changes and get in front of those cars." Sounded like a good plan. Too bad I didn't let the car in on it. The light changes, I hit the gas.....And tore like 3 layers of rubber off the tires. Rhonda and Dona both about jump out of their skin. And I must have really caught the other cars off guard, because they didn't even move. No exaggeration....I was probably 300 feet up the road before I saw any of them even start to take off.
Good Grief...how embarrassing.
I have never, ever once "burned rubber" in a car. Not, that is, until I get into a company car with my boss and another manager sitting in it with me.
Now I could say it was because the road was wet. Or possibly because there was a lot of weight in the back with their luggage back there. But actually...Yeah...I think God was just having a good chuckle today.
I will say that fortunately my boss is a pretty laid back lady and she found it rather humorous. Although I know now I will no doubt never hear the end of it. I guess we all have our crosses to bear, huh!
So here's to hoping you all have an "irony-free" day...and if you do have to do something really stupid - that no one else is around to see it!
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