Animal Insanity

I had a bad feeling about today. The signs were out there that it might be a crazy kind of day. The animals were definitely feeling it...

It started as soon as I walked out the door. (I mean, "hobbled" out. Still got the gout foot.) I hear this insanely kind-of-human-but-not-exactly laughing sound. It was extremely weird, and extremely loud. So I'm looking around at all the apartment windows trying to figure out which one now was being inhabited by a witch on crack (OK, I'm really just guessing that's what a witch on crack would sound like...), when all of the sudden something comes barrelling out of the bushes. Or, I should say, some THINGS. You guessed it.....psychotic ducks.

The first duck out of the bush was making all the noise. I'm guessing this was mainly because the second duck out of the bush had a billful of his skin in his mouth. So much so that even when the first duck finally broke free, the second duck was standing there with a feathers hanging out of his mouth. I wish I'd had my camera. Don't see a shot like that every day. Then she continued to glare at the first duck, who ran frantically across the road. It was quite a little spectacle. So then second duck waddles back to the bush, and first duck.....turns around and heads back to the bush as well. Some fowl never learn. I wish I'd had time to stay and watch the rest of it. I do fear though the way the second duck was guarding that bush that we'll soon have more little psycho ducklings quacking up the area. Just what we need....

So I get in the car and head down the road. Suddenly, I'm swarmed by three birds doing kamikaze dives right in front of the car. What in the world??? Then I see him...a poor little squirrel running for his life, while these birds kept dive-bombing him. Man, I don't know what he did, but he sure ticked them off. Don't mess with the birds, man.

So OK, things can't get much stranger, right? Well, on I go and about halfway to work I see this thing by the side of the road. Honestly, it looked like a GIANT skunk. A skunk the size of a dog. Which was fitting, because as it turned out, it WAS a dog. I have no idea what he was doing, but just as I got up to him he all of the sudden jumped straight up in the air, did a half-flip (No, I am not making this up!) and landed ON HIS BACK on the road!! OK...I need to go back home and go back to bed. My last glimpse of him in my rear view mirror had him still rolling around on the asphalt. How odd.

So, I don't know what was up, but I sure hope the critters have it all out of their system by now. The only good thing is they made my day with my co-workers seem relatively tame. I guess there's always a positive side to everything, huh?!

Animal Instinct

Saw a video today of a dog that was injured in the middle of a street in NY. As he lay there and police try to help him, another dog comes running down the road and starts barking at them...trying to protect his buddy from more harm. It's really kind of touching to watch. I think animal instincts are amazing. I read once about an elderly person who fell in their house and was unable to get help. Their dog would take a towel to its water dish and soak it, then drag it back to its master and lay it over their face to let them suck the water out of it. (I found it most amazing that it didn't suffocate the owner!) This went on for several days. When the water dish ran dry, the dog reverted to the toilet to soak the rag. Had it not been for the persistent (though slightly gross) caring of the animal, the individual would not have made it. Talk about man's best friend!

Or then there is the tale of Tommy, the cat who's owner fell from his wheelchair and couldn't get to the phone to call for help. No need to worry...Tommy took care of it for him. Literally, the cat calls 911 for help. Good grief...some humans aren't that bright!

But my personal favorite is about a pig named Lulu. When the lady watching Lulu for her daughter had a massive heart attack, Lulu sprang into action. She ran out into the road and laid down in the middle of the street to stop traffic and get someone to follow her back to the house for help. That had to be a sight to see. Lulu ran back and forth several times to check on the lady while trying to get help. Her relentlessness paid off, and the lady was taken to the hospital where she fully recovered. I'll bet that lady never dreamed that someday she would owe her life to a pig. I wonder if she gave up eating bacon after that?

There are some humans out there who could take a lesson or two from the animals about how to treat other people. So just remember as you travel life's way out there, be kind to the animals. You never know when their instinct may be your safety net!

It's Not My Fault...

I did something I hate today.

I killed a bird.

It wasn't my fault. The thing just swooped in like a Japanese Kamikaze fighter and landed smack dab on my grill before I even saw it. Why do birds do that? My theory is that they're getting lazier. No, I'm not kidding. There was a day when birds never swooped down on me like that. OK, they might drift into the windshield...but the grill?! Come on Tweety - get some air under those wings! And Dad would always tell us not to worry about birds in the road because they'll get out of the way before you hit them. HA! The ones around here anymore just stand there and stare you down...like they're DARING you to hit them! So either they're getting mighty lazy or mighty attitudy. Either way, they're gonna die if they don't knock it off!

Now compare them to the squirrels. See, I really feel bad when I hit the squirrels. Because they don't have the attitude. They are just schizophrenic. Seriously, have you ever watched a squirrel crossing the road? They can be running in a simple straight line...would be perfectly fine if they'd just keep going. But no...the minute they hear a car, what do they do? Stop. Stand up. Look panicked. Turn to run the other direction. No, that's no good. Turn the other way. No...stop....no...run faster...no...stop...turn around....stop...go..wait...go...nnnooooooo....JUST TAKE A BIG LEAP AND JUMP AS FAR AS YOU CAN!!!! By this time you've either given yourself whiplash trying to avoid them...or turned them into a little squirrel pancake. Neither option is very desirable.

Of course it's never good when you hit someone's family pet. Really...let's not even go there, as I still harbor very ill feelings for the people who killed our little dog Molly. Of course that could also be because they were driving a tour bus 80 miles an hour down a small residential street, and a little toy poodle stands very little chance against a tour bus going 80 miles an hour. Very little. Dumb people.

My personal worst though was the deer. See, they're most generally to blame for their own deaths too. I mean, we put up crossing signs for them at specific spots along the road, but do they ever cross there? NOOOO. Little renegades. Well, see what they get. It's lovely really...there's nothing like having a big brown, hoofed animal flying into your windshield. At 12 midnight. When you're all by yourself on a country road. I call the police, then call mom. I'm trying to tell her what happened, and I can hear dad in the background hollering "What happened, what happened??" So she's trying to tell him while I try to tell her...which, well you can imagine how that was going. Then I can hear dad switching over to "Tell her to lock her doors! Tell her to lock her doors! Does she have her doors locked? Tell her to lock her doors!". Finally I shout into the phone - "Mom - tell Dad I DO have my doors locked!" That must have been his biggest concern, because I didn't hear him again. He never asked if I was hurt...as long as I had taken care of the essential door locking. Ah, the things that weigh on a father's mind.

At one point in my life I was killing an animal every time I got into the car. It was weird...they just kept running out in front of me. And I kept hitting them. I'd go into work all droopy and tell them, "Well, I killed a (rabbit, bird, squirrel) again this morning. So one day I go in and they've taken the rabbit head from our Company's Easter Bunny costume and put it under one of the legs of my chair, and changed my screen saver to read "THUMP, THUMP".

HA HA - Very funny. Bunch of smart alecks.

So anyway...I do try to avoid them, but sometimes it just happens. So please beware all you little schizophrenic woodland creatures that may or may not have an attitude or are feeling lazy today and don't want to cross at the crossing sign like you're supposed too...

You're taking your life into your own hands!
(uh...I mean..paws. Or hooves. Or wings. Or...whatever....)